How to Stay Firm During Your Storms

Ever felt that life just happens to you? That uncertainty clings to your doorstep like morning fog? The fear and worry of an unspoken future regularly saying hello? At some point for every person, this is natural. This article will explore how you can stay mentally strong and grounded during uncertain times especially since change happens all around us. We’ll focus on two powerful psychological tools: acceptance and value-based action.

How to Cope When Life Feels Unfair and Unjust?

When larger societal forces treated me in ways I didn’t like—such as being denied a beautiful apartment in Japan because I wasn’t Japanese—I often felt drained. The uncertainty of when the next unpleasant encounter would happen created constant worry.

To handle “unfair” life situations, you can focus on two proven psychological tools: acceptance work and value-based action. These approaches allow you to acknowledge your discomfort while steering your behavior toward what truly matters.

When I faced that real estate rejection, I stopped and took a step back. I acknowledged that I couldn’t rent the place simply because I am a gaijin (foreigner). Instead of trying to fight or change the situation, I allowed this rejection to be part of the whole of me—my thoughts, feelings and sensations—even that uncomfortable crawling under my skin. I simply observed the fact and let it be there.

Why Acceptance Works 

This is part of acceptance work, being with discomfort until it fades naturally. A psychological hack to increase acceptance is this: next time you face something you don’t like doing, do it anyway. Feel what you feel, observe the sensations in your body and act in the opposite direction. It works like magic (of course, only try this within safe and legal matters).

• Moving with discomfort, towards what matters, is powerful
• Your feelings don’t dictate who you are; they’re simply there to communicate something to you

Dr Steven C. Hayes explains more about acceptance work in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

How Can I Ground Myself and Walk My Chosen Path with Confidence?

When I decided to dedicate almost 10 years of my life to Japan, I often wondered “Is this really the right path for me?” Every day on the Yamanote Line to my 10-hour work shift in Shibuya, as my train fare grew heavier with each passing station, I questioned if this was the life I had always dreamed of.

You can ground yourself and walk your chosen path with confidence by defining your core values and continuously moving forward based on them. Just like a river, life is always moving.

Dr Hayes says a value is “a chosen quality of behavior.” While we might be obsessed with results—career, money or achievements—values are the compass that guides us through life. You never achieve your values; instead, you live them. Every moment is a new opportunity to act according to them—or not.

• Values are the small, concrete behaviors you can start doing right now that align with who you want to be
• When life feels stormy and uncontrollable, decide who you want to be in that moment and walk your path accordingly

How to Find Your Values

There are many ways to discover your values. Here are a few methods:

• Write down what matters to you: Focus on qualities of being. Then translate these words into their verb counterparts and construct a sentence: “I am someone who does …”
• Reflect on moments of happiness or unhappiness: What were you doing—or not doing? Write down the words that arise, and build your value sentence.
• Perspective taking: What do you want others to remember you by? People observe behavior, so decide: What are you doing, and why? Write your value sentence.

Remember, values can be redefined over time. They’re here to anchor you in moments when you feel you’ve lost control.

FAQ

What is acceptance work in simple terms? Acceptance work is the psychological practice of observing your discomfort—your thoughts, feelings and physical sensations—and allowing it to exist without trying to fight or change it, until it naturally fades.

What is the difference between a goal and a value? A goal is an external result you try to achieve (such as money or career success), whereas a value is an internal, chosen quality of behavior that you live moment-to-moment, acting as your lifelong compass.

How can I apply my values when facing rejection? In moments of rejection, the key is to remember your values and act on them regardless of the external outcome. For example, even though I was rejected by the landlord, my value remained: “I am a person who always speaks the truth, who connects Japan to the rest of the world through my work and who stays curious and open to others.”

Conclusion

Life is full of storms, but you don’t have to be shaken by them. By choosing to combine radical acceptance of what you cannot change with firm action based on your personal values, you can stay anchored and firm. You might not become Tokyo’s new silent knight, but you can become your own hero by staying true to what matters to you.

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